Long weekend boredom buster

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, ' I clocked you at 120 km/h, sir.'

The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once!'

The wife smiles demurely and says, ! 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man growls at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'F.k it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut!'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T You shut the f.k up!

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am!'

'Yes but Only when he's pissed.'

**Please note that i am not being sexist on this one**
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if you stay at a hotel tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.

So they go back to the hotel and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have fun for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you!" "Yeah, how did you know!" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you!" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know!" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Do u always try to figure out why women are so angry in the morning!

Well have u ever tried opening a toasted cheese sandwich

With Euro going down, Ford to acquire Renault

Ford has announced plans to acquire French automaker Renault and engineering teams have already joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault ???Clio??? and the Ford ???Taurus???, they have designed the ???Click taurus???. (female private part)
It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it, let alone turn it on, even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumour has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real "ditch" to start in the morning!
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status.
Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it as needed