Stolen car

friendly_prawn, Sep 6, 2:48pm
Paddy runs in to the pub and screams at Mick. "Mate someone's just stolen your car"

Mick yells back "bastards" "Did you see who it was?"

" Paddy says "Nah mate but I got the rego plate number"

beno, Sep 6, 3:06pm
Wife naked in front of mirror: "I want bigger boobs - Pay for a boob job."
Husband: "Save money, just rub toilet paper between the ones you have."
Wife: "Why do you think that will make them bigger?"
Husband: "It seems to have done the trick with your arse.

beno, Sep 6, 3:49pm
I took the wife to a disco at the weekend.There was a guy on the dancefloor giving it large;breakdancing,moonwalking-
,back flips,the works.My wife turned to me and said,"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and i turned him down."
I said "Looks like he's still celebrating! "

beno, Sep 6, 3:54pm
I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

beno, Sep 6, 3:55pm
Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them - they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and, to my horror, we had six matching balls!

beno, Sep 6, 4:05pm
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A Maori cat.
It's me ow

the-lada-dude, Sep 6, 4:25pm
haha. all are good beno

countrypete, Sep 6, 5:21pm
A semi-colon broke the law and was up before the judge. He got two consecutive sentences.

cheviot, Oct 4, 3:48pm
My girlfriend arrived home after walking home from work in the rain. She says "I'm so wet'.
I replied 'you get turned on by the weirdest things'